25 things I'd tell my 25-year-old self (Gen X perspective)

A Gen X perspective on relationships, career, creativity, finance, friendships, children, life, and more

PART I

You might be wondering why I didn’t title this 25 Things I’d Tell My 18-year-old-self…

Well, I think from 18-25 you’re not even mentally ready to absorb the realities of adult life, and that’s quite ok, actually. You can make mistakes, hopefully not serious ones, and still make it out ok.

I realize women mature far earlier than men, and by 25 us dudes are starting to realize that it might be time to get our shit together. I mean, at least that’s how it was around 25-30 years ago. Is it the same today? I don’t know, I suppose it’s not. Maybe dudes today are not realizing this until they’re in their 30s. That’s probably too late though...

Anyway, my point is, at 25 we’ve still got so much to look forward to and we can set ourselves up really well in so many different categories.

I’m hoping this helps someone out there…

On Friendships

1. It’s ok not to have those friends you had from High School or college

   Proximity is key, and chances are your friends have moved or have started their serious relationships… that’s just life. You should be 100% prepared to not have many friends after college. In fact, this might be the case during different stages of your life.

2. If you have 1 or 2 close friends (best friends), do your best to hang on to them… unless they’re assholes that refuse to grow up and/or they are toxic, then move on quickly.

   I have two very close friends. One that I grew up with since childhood, and one (I’m fortunate to say this) I met during my MBA program that has been a great friend to me every since. I have other friends, sure, but they are not as close. There are layers to friendship.

3. Always remember, hurt people, hurt people

   Let that sink in. People who are hurt often end up hurting others. I’m not suggesting you abandon friends, but you must be discerning.

4. Don’t share everything

   Know when to share things. Not all of your friends are equipped to help you when you are down or need help. Be open to help your friends and be there for them.

On Career

I’m going to be brutally honest with you, but I’m sure someone needs to learn this:

5. No one’s coming to rescue you
   That “mentor” you’re waiting for? That promotion you think you deserve? That pat on the back? Don't hold your breath. Learn to self-direct and self-promote, or watch someone with half your talent climb past you because they were louder in the meeting.

I never felt at place in the corporate world, in spite of having been a Director and a CRO of an organization. I worked for a Fortune 100 company for a number of years and I can’t tell you how many early career people I saw get run over by the corporate politics and horrible leadership choices.

6. Be loyal to your skills, not your employer
   You grew up thinking loyalty mattered… because it used to. It doesn’t anymore... except in rare circumstances. Build a reputation and a portfolio that travels with you. The company will drop you faster than MTV dropped music videos.

I started a business in the 2010s and it absolutely changed my life (for better and worse), and you should always be learning and expanding your skills.

The greatest skills you will need to be successful are sales and communications.

7. Learn how to negotiate… and WHEN to negotiate
   Your boss isn’t going to hand you a raise because you worked hard. Learn your market value. Ask for more when you have leverage. Remember… leverage. Negotiate everything. It’s not rude — it’s survival.

Bottom line — if you are not providing more value than what you are asking in return, assume the answer will be no. In the corporate world you are expected to cover your market value and then some. Btw. if you interview with anyone that says they expect 10X from you, ask them by when? If they say in the first year, leave the room and never look back. In most cases you won’t hit your stride anywhere until you’ve been doing the same thing for 2-5 years. I negotiate minimum 3 years in a high-level position for that reason.

On that note…

Expect Nepotism and Unfairness in Hierarchical Roles
There will be those that are in roles that have power over you that do not deserve to be in their role, but either by birth or relationship… or absolute fortune, they are in their role. This is also how life works. Don’t let it bother you unless it gets in the way of your desired outcome for your career. If the person is a good human being, build on that relationship rather than being envious, and it that relationship may be beneficial for you in the long run.

8. Follow your curiosity, not just your passion
   “Follow your passion” sounds nice on a bumper sticker, but it won’t pay rent in a recession. Stay curious. Get good at something useful — then bend it toward what you enjoy. That’s how you build a career with staying power.

I’ve been in a similar industry for over 20 years. I had the opportunity to change careers on several occasions but I know far too many people and I’m damn good at what I do. Be damn good at what you do.

9. Build a life, not just a résumé.
   Your job is not your identity. Don’t sleep in the office. Don’t skip vacations. Don’t work 15 hour days. Take the side gig. Play in the band. Stay weird. Because one day, your title won’t matter — but the stories will.

I’ve been there done that. I remember pulling overnight stints to complete projects. I’ve been hungry for long hours and stressed out of my mind in very challenging situations. I’ve traveled and been inside more than half the prisons in the United States with very unfriendly folks during my early career years and right after a ten hour day, I’d drive a few hours to another city, get four hours of sleep, and back to work again. I have some good stories, but I also had a very stressful early career life. Was it worth it? Maybe. Not everyone can tolerate the same stressors in life. Just start by being good to yourself.

On Finance

I grew up extremely poor in Detroit, Michigan, in the 1980s. There were days my sisters and I would go to bed hungry. Being a first generation immigrant I can tell you that having gone through what we went through to better our life has been one of the greatest things that has shaped me into who I am today. I also love and appreciate the USA. My family fled persecution for a better life and we assimilated quickly into our new home. We’ve been on welfare in the past to get by (something my father hated and worked hard to get us out of), and we’ve been in extreme debt. If there are three things I can help with on finance (as a primer), these would be it:

10. Debt is the modern form of slavery
    Credit cards, student loans, car leases — they're all designed to make you feel free while keeping you in financial chains. If you’re making minimum payments, you’re not building wealth, you’re making someone else wealth. AVOID BAD DEBT!

There is good debt, but that’s for a future post someday.

11. No one is coming to fix retirement for you
    Social Security? Maybe. A pension? Lol. You’re on your own, pal. Start stacking cash now — index funds, Roth IRA, whatever. Work for an employer that contributes to your retirement. It’s free money, use it to your advantage. The earlier you invest, the less chance you’ll be eating Ramen again in your 70s. Nothing against Ramen, I actually like it a lot… just using it to make a point ;)

12. Lifestyle creep is a silent killer
    That raise you just got? It disappears the second you upgrade your car, your rent, your gadgets. Keep living like you’re broke for as long as you can stand it — future you will thank you. Probably from a paid-off house.

Btw. Please don’t buy that car new. Buy used, even five years old. You’ll thank me later.

I hope you enjoyed this. Join me next week for PART II, including “On Creativity,” “On Marriage & Relationships,” “On Children,” and “On Life.” If there’s something you think my 25 year old self might need to know about and add… say so in the comments, and I’ll try to add it. hmmmn… maybe “On Dating & Love Life?”….lol

Btw. My book Nostalgia Nation has been performing really well on Amazon. I’m really grateful to everyone that has been buying it and writing wonderful reviews. If you haven’t checked it out yet, I welcome you to do so. It’s available on Kindle, in paperback and hardcover. It’s also on iBooks/Apple Books. Thank you for reading!